Battleship Trailer

The third trailer for the upcoming action blockbuster Battleship has just been released on the internet, and let’s just say the classic board game it’s based on has nothing on this epic man vs machine flick. The trailer basically shows navy seamen finding a robot that looks like an old, rusted version of C3PO, who then awakens and starts doing crazy shit. Then far, far bigger robots come out of the ocean and start firing fiery metal balls at the navy ships and building, starting their annihilation of mankind.

Sounds familiar? It should, it’s basically the “plot” of Transformers, but at sea! Unsurprising really, considering Battleship and Transformers were made by the same company. That fact in itself will make this film surely all about style over substance, and therefore probably a boring piece of crap that’s just a couple of hours of lifeless CGI.

The trailer alone shows a huge flaw in the film’s story:  electronic equipment of any kind, in this case robots, can not, or at least should not, be able to function underwater. It’s an universal fact water and electricity don’t mix! Yet again, this is a movie set in its own universe, so perhaps this rule does not exist. They might as well get rid of that pesky little thing called gravity and let everyone fly to fight the robots while they are at it.

Though it stars Liam Neeson and Taylor Kitsch, a lot of the appeal of Battleship will surely be the fact this film is Rihanna’s acting debut. Playing a navy officer with all the action going on, I doubt there will be much chance of her taking her uniform off and putting on one of her many risque costumes or putting a banana in her mouth. However, this is a Hollywood movie, so never say never. Bet all the seamen will be heading her way, hehe…

Set to be released in Australia on April 12th,  it is needless to say that this movie certainly looks a lot less boring and childish than the game was. But just imagine if it flops at the box office; how many people will say ‘Battleship sunk its battleship!’ Film critics will love that one!

Originally published at primomag.com.au on Thursday 15 March 2012

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