8 Moves Bouncers Use To Kick Your Arse

While many view bouncers as big boneheads, they certainly know what they are doing when dealing with drunken idiots who go around picking fights. They have been trained to handle rough situations with their fists, so don’t assume in your drunken stupor that you’re invincible and can easily bash the big muscly bouncer who works out in their spare time to maintain their intimidating figure. Bouncers fight dirty, so don’t expect any fairness from them; they don’t believe in the concept of fairness when deciding whether you can come into their nightclub or not, so why should they be any different when fighting you?

1. Half Nelson
The Half Nelson is a grappling hold which is done by using one or both arms to encircle the opponent’s arm under the armpit and secured at the opponent’s neck. This move looks pretty gay, with a guy holding your neck then chest, while his other arm fiddles with your leg. But oh well, it gets the job done. If a bouncer does this to you, at least you can mock them doing something “really gay” for a living.

2. Hammer Lock
The Hammer Lock is a shoulder lock similar where the opponent’s arm is held bent against their back, and their hand forced upwards towards the neck, thereby applying pressure to the shoulder joint. This is very similar to the move cops use to handcuff assailants.

3. Cross
This boxing move gets its name from punching with one arm then crossing over with the other while the other hand covers your face. So if you see a bouncer leaning back a bit with their fist in the air, move!

4. Biting
Yes, bouncers even resort to biting you. If you try to punch the bouncer, chances are they will sink their teeth into your hands, fingers or arms. Alternatively, the bouncer could bit you elsewhere if they get close enough. Just think of how Mike Tyson notoriously bit off another boxer’s ear. Yummy!

5. Hit Your Eyes Or Balls
Obviously you need to see your opponent in order to fight them, so a bouncer will try to hit your eyes in some way to stop you from seeing properly so they can take you down without you even getting to see it happen (though you certainly will feel it!). With hitting the balls, it’s needless to say any guys reading this will shudder at the mere thought of their testes getting smacked!

6. Soccer Kicks (Mixed Martial Arts)
A kick performed by a fighter who is in a standing position that aims to hit the head of your opponent when they are on the ground. There are various types of kicks soccer players use to get a goal, so naturally there are many types of kicks fighters use. But unlike soccer, there’s no red card for the bouncer; they will continue to kick you senseless!

7. Standing Guillotine
The bouncer places their wrist bone on your throat and arching the back, then grab your head and drag it down as they hold it in their arm. If this happens to you, just hope the bouncer washed their armpits before going to work.

8. Sleeper Hold
Basically the bouncer will grab your neck from behind to choke you into submission and stop you breathing to knock you unconscious. No matter how tough you think you are, just remember you need oxygen to breathe!

Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Monday 26 March 2012

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