One of the many burdens parents have is when they have to explain the more adult side of life to children. Though this article may probably be more relevant to older clubbers with children, perhaps you have a younger sibling who’s still in primary school and whose age is in the single digits.
An advantage of being the older authority figure is that sometimes you can dismiss the subject entirely or the kid’s attention span will quickly turn to something else. But kids are also very persistent, and may keep bugging you about what clubbing is. The fact is the kid’s going to get older and learn about clubbing and the dirty deeds that happen in them eventually. Wouldn’t you rather be the one to tell them all about it, rather than some tool who might lead the kid astray? So here’s some ways to explain the seedy world of nightclubs to your offspring without ruining their innocence (too much).
1. What Nightclubs Are For
Though you could simply say people go there to dance and have a few drinks with mates, another explanation is that nightclubs are where mummies and daddies meet rather than saying that’s where people meet to have a one night stand and never see other again. Remember, at such a young age, kids like to think the only people their parents have ever loved (both emotionally and physically) are each other, and not randoms they haven’t seen in 15+ years. And in a way, you’re not lying, because you may have very well been doing the one activity that makes people become mummies and daddies (though procreation wasn’t your intention).
2. Why You’re So Drunk
If your child wakes up in the middle of the night and sees you stumbling into the house wasted, and they ask you why you’re “acting silly”, what do you say? On this one, you can be honest and say drinking too much alcohol makes you “get funny” and that it’s just what adults do for fun. They may ask why adults do this, but no matter how you explain it, they just won’t get it until they’re older. The kid may get annoyed that you get to play up when you want, but if they act naughty, they cop a smack or go to their room, but they will eventually learn that life’s full of hypocrisy.
3. The Random You Picked Up Is “A Good Friend”
If you’re a single parent and still like to hit the town to fool around with randoms, you might bring said random home for late night coitus. But again, what if your child wakes up from all the commotion in your bedroom and then wonders why mummy or daddy is wrestling naked with a stranger in their bed? You could easily say that the random is “a good friend” of theirs and they’re doing adult activities together. Despite the fact this is bull because you’ve just met your booty call and don’t know them well enough to even call them an acquaintance, let alone a real friend. Hopefully the kid will take your word for it and go back to bed. You might want to tell them in the morning not to mention any of this to the other parent though, otherwise an argument the likes of what caused your previous relationship to fail will ensue.
Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Monday 11 February 2013