5 Reasons Why Strip Clubs Aren’t What They’re Cracked Up To Be

Teenage boys everywhere know how frustrating all that sexual energy that’s built up inside them with nowhere to go is. Girls are brand new to them and they want nothing more than to see them naked and do things to their private parts.

So naturally once these boys turn 18, they will most definitely head to where hot naked girls are: strip clubs. The idea of seeing big tits, nice firm arses and vag on a well toned female bodies sounds amazing; what guy wouldn’t want to check that out?

But are strip clubs what they’re cracked up to be? In my opinion, no. (For any smart arses reading this, no, I’m not gay). For some reason, these very fit, aesthetically “hot” women didn’t interest me. I put it down to the fact that most of the times I’ve been to strip clubs, I was roped into being the designated driver, therefore I couldn’t get drunk and rowdy like my mates could and fully enjoy a place that was boobs galore. But I still think strip clubs suck.

1. You Can’t Touch The Girls
Though you can touch the girls at some clubs, most of them are very stern about their no touching rule. What’s the point in having hot naked chicks in front of them if you can’t do anything with them or to them?! It’s the biggest fucking cocktease of all time! And if you do try to grab them, the bouncer will fuck you up!

2. You Just Sit Around
The only three things you can do at strip clubs is get drunk, watch the strippers, or get a lap dance. That’s about it. What do each of those things have in common? You’re sitting down while doing them. No dancing (excluding the strippers grinding poles that they call exotic dancing), no “normal” chicks to chat up, and nothing else to do. Pretty boring if you ask me.

3. You Pay A Shitload Of Money
Besides the price of entrance and booze, lap dances are usually about $50, which will surely make your wallet feel significantly lighter. This is a terrible thing to happen when you want more booze and you wanted to get a taxi home. And you still can’t touch the girls!

4. The Girls Are Fake
Many guys seem to think that they can impress the strippers and figuratively charm the pants off them. But strippers put up with sleazy guys every shift; it’s all just part of the job to them. They’re act so insincerely nice to you and give the falsest smile imaginable. They’re more like mannequins than people; you can look, but can’t touch. But unlike mannequins, they try to con you out of your hard earned cash.

5. The Clientele Are Sleazy
It’s bad enough that strip clubs are sausage fests, but it’s even worse as many of the other patrons are old men who probably don’t get laid anymore unless they pay for it. Not only are they creepy and make things uncomfortable, but it’s just depressing seeing them. Surely I’m not the only guy who’s thought that they want to do everything in their power to avoid ending up like these pervs?

Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Tuesday 11 December 2012

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