There’s a really funny video of some dumb bitch junkie in Sydney that got onto a train and starting yelling, swearing, threatening and even spitting on other passengers. Everyone started yelling at her tostop it and eventually just kicked her off the train! It would’ve been so shit dealing with her, but fortunately someone thought to film it on their mobile and spread the joy so we could all laugh at this crackhead’s rants.
If you haven’t seen it already, you can watch it now:
This video got me thinking of all the ferals we often encounter when roaming the streets to hit the town. By “ferals”, I mean scummy people, bogans, thieves, hoodlums, drunks, dickheads, junkies, you name it. Like monsters in horror movies, these freaks mainly seem to come out at night to wreck havoc and just generally cause trouble and grief for others who just want to have a nice night. But unlike monsters, these folks are very much real and in many instances you’re probably far better off dealing with a vampire than a crackhead with a switchblade (vampires are pussies these days according to Twilight).
Fortunately, there are many ways to avoid dealing with these loonies:
1. Don’t Use Public Transport
Ferals are dirt poor, so they tend to use public transport to get around. Try to get your group of friends to go together in one car so you can head directly to the club. Alternatively, especially when heading home after having more than a few drinks, catch a cab. Though taxis are way more expensive than public transport, all you have to deal with is a taxi driver who probably doesn’t know where he’s going, a far less annoying and much safer option than having some masked loon try to knife you on the train to get your wallet.
2. Stick To One Nightclub
Pick a good nightclub you know you like before heading out. Do this so you don’t go walking through the city too much, looking for good clubs, as ferals are all over town looking to cause trouble. If you’re just at the one nightclub the whole time, you know you won’t have to deal with these fuckwits, as bouncers won’t let ferals into the line in front of the club, let alone get inside to ruin everyone else’s good time. Who knew there would be a time when bouncers being picky over dress code could be a good thing?
3. Go Out With A Big Group
If there are only a few of you, or worse, you’re alone, ferals are more likely to approach you for spare change or to rob you. If you’re in a big enough group of at least five people, preferably with some guys in it to defend the girls, it’s far less likely a feral will come up and hassle you, otherwise BAM! Feral’s knocked down!
4. Go To Bars Rather Than Nightclubs
Bars are usually considered more upscale than nightclubs, therefore less rowdy and dangerous. Ferals won’t bother going to places that are just plain boring to them.
5. Go To Reputable Venues
If a nightclub has a reputation as being pill popper central or have regularly used syringe bins in the toilets, ferals won’t be far away. Ferals are attracted to dodgy places like flies to shit. If you can find a nightclub that’s not a complete dive, go there instead and have a cracking night while the ferals smoke crack in a public toilet elsewhere.
Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Thursday 15 November 2012