Break ups are absolute hell and are even worse when you see your ex at the nightclub your friends took you to in order to get your mind off them to begin with. (Note: you probably shouldn’t go to nightclubs you and your ex frequented anymore just in case).
However, there is a very embarrassing and public way to get back at your ex for all the pain they caused you: request a song to the DJ for them. A song that points out all their flaws, makes fun of them, and humiliates them in front of everyone at the club. They say music soothes the savage beast after all.
Just make sure you get the DJ to say ‘This is dedicated to [ex’s name]‘ (otherwise it will go completely unnoticed!) and the song will do the rest.
If You’re Female
‘Not Fair’ by Lily Allen
Guys pride themselves on how they rocked some chick’s world in the sack, so it’s a huge blow to his ego when a guy finds out he didn’t get the girl off at all! What better song to emphasise his crap lovemaking techniques than with lyrics like ‘When we go up to bed you’re just no good’ and ‘You never make me scream’.
‘U + Ur Hand’ by Pink
If telling your ex-boyfriend he was shit in bed wasn’t bad enough, remind him that now he’s alone, so he’s not going to get any and he’ll have to settle for wanking. Look at his hand to see if he’s got blisters.
‘I’m A Survivor’ by Destiny’s Child
Even before she went solo, all songs Beyonce was involved with were about bastard men. With lyrics like ‘Now that you’re out of my life I’m so much better, you thought I’d be weak without you but I’m stronger’ just scream ‘Fuck you men!’ and shows she doesn’t need him to be happy.
‘Womanizer’ by Britney Spears
All women hate realising that they fell prey to a womaniser who knows how to smooth talk a woman and take advantage of them, so by dedicating this song to your ex, all the unsuspecting ladies at the club now know better, ruining his chances of picking up.
If You’re Male
‘Gold Digger’ by Kanye West and Jamie Foxx
Guys hate having to cough up money for all the drinks and taxi fare for that night at the club, so if they hear a song dedicated to a girl at the club who her ex is calling a slut who’ll bleed you dry, then guys will know to keep away from this money grubbing bitch and ruin her chances at finding a sugar daddy.
‘(I Hate) Everything About You’ by Ugly Kid Joe
The title of this rockin’, grunge hit sums it all up: he hates everything about the dumb bitch you once dated. No mincing words here, he absolutely hates her!
‘Gives You Hell’ by The All-American Rejects
The ultimate song for a guy to rub it in to the mole that dumped him, in that he’s going places while her life’s still boring and unfulfilling as all fuck. ‘If you find a man that’s worth a damn and treats you well, then he’s a fool’; couldn’t have been said better.
‘You Give Love A Bad Name’ by Bon Jovi
Bon Jovi basically summed up how once you go through a bad break up that you think love is bullshit and that you can never be happy, all because of one girl. ‘You promise me heaven, then put me through hell’; isn’t that how all relationships go?
Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Thursday 23 May 2012