Ah, Albert Einstein, what a man. Considered by many a genius and one of the greatest men of the 20th century for his scientific achievements. However, there is another group of people who revel in Einstein’s brilliance: sleazy old men! Why? Because Einstein was one of them!
Einstein had been a ladies man from the tender age of 16. He would write poems to his conquests to woo them, and would have a broad on the side for his “further experiments”. Einstein married Mileva Maric in 1903, though he kept in contact with an ex, which Maric found out about! Awkward!
Even worse (and just plain gross) is how Einstein had an affair with his cousin Elsa Löwenthal while still married to Maric, whom he later divorced two years later. But then he later cheated on her with her own daughter Ilse (his stepdaughter and second cousin)! Though only the likes of the nerds on The Big Bang Theory could comprehend what E=mc₂ means, any Joe Blow can understand what this equation meant: incest!
Even before Ilse was the eye of Einstein’s affection, he cheated on Löwenthal with Betty Neumann, the niece of one of his friends. He was as much a fuckwit to his first family as he was to his second. Before he divorced Maric, he gave her a list of demands in order for them to be together, such as ‘You are neither to expect intimacy nor to reproach me in any way’. What a way to win her back, huh? And once they divorced, he stopped talking to his sons because he was too busy getting poontang.
Einstein’s philandering would’ve just escalated once he became a celebrity. From the floozies of Berlin to the broads in America where he eventually emigrated due to the Nazis not caring much for the Jews. His fame surely would’ve gone to his head, thinking he could get some because he was uber famous, hitting on and doing pussy fingers to random chicks he encountered. Suddenly that famous photo of him poking his tongue out makes much more sense.
I can picture him doing what Jack Nicholson did in The Departed when he hit on the teenage girl working at the diner by asking, ‘You get your period yet?’ For sure, Einstein would have been one of those sleazy old men you see at strip clubs sitting right in front of the stage watching girls young enough to be his granddaughters get their gear off (he’d probably tip the stripper extra if the lass was related to him, just another excuse to put his hand under her g-string).
This his credit, even when he was banging all those chicks, Einstein was still being thought provoking when he said one of his many profound quotes (without a doubt his most profound quote): ‘The upper half plans and thinks while the lower half determines our fate’. So very, very true.
Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Friday 17 August 2012