Rubber-Dub-Dub: Condoms Misinterpreted In Nightclubs

Guys, was there ever a time back in high school when a hot chick asked to use your rubber and you wanted to say to her, ‘I wouldn’t mind using a rubber on you’? Or is it just me? I assume that, unless you were the Brad Pitt of your school, that she would have slapped you silly for saying something as awesome as this. However, after high school, you graduate into the adult world and a girl will praise you for wanting to use a rubber on her rather than not.

We all know the practical purposes of condoms are to prevent pregnancy and STIs, but what about the social side of them? It’s certainly not putting them up your nose and out of your mouth (why the fuck have idiots been doing that lately?!). Take having a condom in your wallet for instance. Just about every single male on the planet has had one in his wallet at some point (only bullshit artists will say they haven’t). It is quite an ironic situation, because a guy carries it around to protect both himself and the potential girl he does the deed with, but if left in the wallet for ages, the condom causes a huge circular crease in the wallet (talk about pitching a tent!), so if anyone, especially girls, see this crease, he is seen as a sleaze who expects to get laid on the spot, putting any girls he meets off. This further proves that girls only like bad boys! (i.e. guys who don’t bother to carry protection).

But when you think about it, the dudes with the circle indented in the wallet are good blokes. Though they may very well be sleazy pigs wanting just one thing, at least they’re considerate enough to protect both himself and the girl and lose a bit of sexual pleasure from a contraceptive that prevents life changing disaster.

Society has become much more focused on safe sex (unless chains and whips are involved) than ever before, causing condom vending machines to be in male public toilets at various places. Nightclub toilets are without doubt the best place to have them as a guy never truly knows if he is going to get lucky or not while clubbing. Some guys may feel a bit awkward inserting a $2 coin into a machine in order to insert something else of his later in the night if other guys see them buying it, but all they need to do is hold their head up high, believing they’re going to get some poontang tonight (even if they eventually don’t).

Everyone’s pissed and not thinking properly, so it’s good to cover your knob’s head as you won’t be thinking with your own.

Originally published here at on Tuesday 30 April 2013

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