We all go out on the weekend to party away and have a great night out. But you know who doesn’t get to have a great Friday or Saturday night? Doctors and ambos. They’ve already got a miserable job as it is, and we go and rub it in by seeing them because of the result of our stupid, yet fun, drunken antics. You can imagine how jelly they must get. Well actually, they probably look down on us clubbers for always being really drunk and hurting ourselves, but whatevs.
1. Girls Falling Because Of High Heels
Even us fashion noob guys are aware of the fact that though high heels look good, they friggin’ hurt to wear (only because girls harp on about it every time we go out). Us guys usually just laugh at this, thinking “Bloody women!” But if they knew that wearing high heels can actually be dangerous, guys wouldn’t laugh. (Nah, we still would). The more unco gals who maybe didn’t get enough practice walking around in their new stilettos could easily fall over and hurt themselves, or (arguably) worse, long term damage as their foot and leg muscles change to walk in heels as a default way of walking, actually making walking in flat shoes hurt. The logical solution would be to wear flat shoes, but as if that’s going to happen!
2. Too Much Alcohol
You could argue that you can never have enough alcohol, but your body will tell you otherwise. If you drink too much, vomit and are hungover the next day, consider yourself lucky. Too much grog can make you pass out and end up in a place you have no idea how you got to. Or way too much booze can cause alcohol poisoning, making the doctors have to pump your stomach to prevent chocking on your own vomit and dying. At least they can say you died being a party animal.
3. Attempting To Climb Something
They say people are like animals when they’re drunk, and perhaps the fact many of us stupidly try to climb anything from a tree, a street light or a pole is enough to suggest humans really did descend from tree climbing apes. Climbing is hard enough when you’re sober, so when you’ve got blurry vision and can’t concentrate, you’re obviously going to fuck up and fall.
4. Pulling A Muscle On The Dance Floor
Many have gone to great lengths to strut their stuff on the dance floor and do some pretty wacky, gravity defying moves. However, even if you try very basic dancing, sometimes you’ll just twist your ankle or pull a hamstring. FUCKING OUCH!!! I knew someone who did this once, she had to use crutches for like a month. (She was a bitch though, so don’t feel bad, hehe…).
Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Sunday 5 May 2013