In light of today being Australia Day, of course most of us are going to be on the piss all day long and well into the night once we hit the bars and nightclubs throughout this country. It’s an Australian tradition!
But like any other night when you’re out hitting the booze where there’s plenty of other people, of course either the blokes or the sheilas will catch your eye.But unlike any other night, the anniversary of the states and territories federating can be used to help you pick up. And it’s not just because everyone’s too plastered to say no to anyone; there are some hilarious Australian themed pick up lines out there that you should use on Australia Day that will surely get a laugh out of how topical they are.
1. “Can I give you an Australian kiss? It’s like a French kiss, but Down Under!”
An absolute classic pickup line, nothing says Australiana like this saying. We all picture images of passionate kissing when we think of Frenching, so when applying the words “down under” to that image, things are just going to go south (hopefully in a good way!)
2. “Can I didgeridoo you?”
Haha, get it? “Didgeri-do you?”
3. “I wanna get lost in your Outback.”
Whenever guys see a hot girl’s long legs, often one of them will say how they wouldn’t mind getting lost in those legs. This is essentially that thought, but in an Australian context.
4. “Wanna blow my didgeridoo?”
I don’t think Indigenous people will appreciate their most prized musical instrument being a metaphor for a penis getting a gobby, but it’s still funny.
5. “I’ll eat you like a dingo eats a baby.”
Probably not the best line, making girls picture a ferocious dingo ravishing a helpless infant to bloody bits rather than a guy treating their privates like an ice cream. Still funny though. Just don’t ever use this line if the lady in question happens to be Lindy Chamberlain.
6. “I bet you sound like a Tasmanian Devil in bed.”
No guy actually wants the girl they’re sleeping with to sound like that agro Looney Toons character, but if this line is going to help you get her off, so be it!
7. “I put the ‘laid’ in Adelaide.”
Probably best used if you live in the city of churches, but should work throughout Oz.
8. “I’m like a boomerang. I just keep coming back to you.”
Some guys are just going to follow girls around and will keep bugging them, so this metaphor is pretty accurate, and like those guys, has a bit of wood.
9. “Let’s pretend you’re a croc so we can wrestle!”
I can’t imagine girls finding fellas like the late Steve Irwin and Paul Hogan in his Crocodile Dundee days sexy, let alone getting into rough fights with crocodiles. So the picture of you doing it, and her being the croc, won’t work. But again, it’s so cheesy that it’s funny.
10. “Let me show you why Australia started out as a penal colony.”
Throwing in a nice historical reference to Australia’s not so humble beginnings, and obviously “penal” meaning to sound like “penis”, perhaps this could work if you’re trying to pull the bad boy attitude girls seem to like, as bad boys usually have done a bit of time.
Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Saturday 26 January 2013