What Not To Do To Impress A Girl When Drunk

Booze lets all our inhibitions disappear and we let caution go to the wind. It’s a beautiful thing really, but it can also make you look like a complete stooge, especially if you’re a guy trying to impress a girl you don’t know. Guys are always trying to impress girls in some way or another, but when we’re drunk, we go pretty over the top and look like real dorks.

Winking
The wink is a quick and very sly way of showing a girl you fancy her. For whatever reason, we think chicks love this, that it gives them a thrill. However, the reality is that she’ll probably think you’re a real sleaze who just wants to get in her pants (to be fair, she’s probably right).

Talking Yourself Up
Many dudes think that they have to make themselves sound amazing to get girls to like them. Unless you talk about with some tact, most guys are very boisterous about mundane accomplishments of theirs. You’ll look like a complete wanker and look stupid if you say something dumb or claim you did something that could not possibly be true like how you regularly play golf with Kerry Packer. Don’t emphasise on your muscles or “guns” or how much you can bench at the gym, despite how awesome it may seem to you, she’ll think you’re a show off. Same goes for talking about how much money you’ve got; you’ll look smug (this will attract the completely wrong type of girl!).

Rant
Talking while drunk often becomes ranting. She won’t listen to what you have to say, despite how genius or deep it may seem to you, even if it’s how much you “love her” in a hundred different ways.

Do A Dance You Can’t Do Properly
Though most people at clubs can’t dance particularly well, you’ll look like a try hard and extra silly while trying to strut your stuff as you’re really unco. Remember nightclub floors can be either sticky or slippery, both because of spilled booze. Stick to basic dancing, it’s okay.

Sing To Her
On the other side of musical entertainment, do not sing to her in public! Though music’s real loud at nightclubs, bars and other public places are much quieter by comparison. She will be full on embarrassed and not think it’s romantic like you probably think it is. Though you might think doing a rendition of a Boyz II Men or Lionie Ritchie classic will make her swoon, she’ll probably hurl from discovering she’s lactose intolerant from the cheesiness of your crooning.

Tell Lame Jokes
When women say they love a guy with a sense of humour, they mean a guy with sophisticated, witty humour. No toilet jokes or sex jokes whatsoever (i.e. male humour)! And obviously no childish ones like knock knock jokes; should go without saying really, but we all act childish when drunk. Once when I was just gone, I played peek-a-boo with a chick I was in a car with, thinking I was hilarious. Yes, peek-a-boo. Why did I just write that on the internet?

Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Saturday 23 February 2013

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