6 Signs You’ll End Up Being The Lonely Old Drunk At The Bar

Perhaps more cemented into your psyche by movies than reality, you will at least have heard of the sad, lonely old drunk who still hangs out at bars though they are only a few years away from retiring, maybe even a nursing home. I know this is such a huge stereotype, but after meeting certain types of people, it makes you realise there’s a reason stereotypes exist.

But these people weren’t always old. They were once young clubbers too, but have since become sleazy old men or, if the female ones are lucky, cougars. Aging sucks big time, no doubt about that. Life’s what you make of it, and all your life choices will lead you down a certain path, whether it’s one you like or not. So if you catch yourself doing any of the following, perhaps it’s time you reevaluate your life.

1. You Still Go To Bars And Nightclubs Long After Your Friends Stop
We all have that clubbing phase when we’re young and see our mates from work, uni, high school, or wherever you know them from all the time. It’s a pretty sweet time in one’s life, but eventually the party will be over, and a new flock of youngsters will start attending these clubs to do this process all over again. But you’ve stuck around, despite your friends moving on from the clubbing scene or losing contact with them altogether. If you’re nearly twice as old as everyone else there, including the staff, yeah, you’re holding onto the past.

2. You Go Alone
Going out drinking is normally seem as a social activity to catch up with friends, or to chat up hotties, but if you go alone without having planned to meet up with anyone or have any intention to meeting new people, it makes you wonder if you should find other things to do at night.

3. You Drink To Drown Your Sorrows, Not To Have Fun
Now this one’s just plain depressing. Drinking’s about letting loose and having fun by getting shitfaced, even if you are the sad drunk. If you’ve got problems bothering you, and the only way to make them go away is by getting drunk, then that sucks. I actually feel sorry for you.

4. You Ramble On About “The Good Old Days”
Your best partying days are behind you, and you’re holding onto them for dear life. “The good old days” were when you were young and partied like there was no tomorrow, you had tons of friends you thought you’d be hanging out with forever, and beautiful people from the club you got to dance with and kiss, and maybe more if you were lucky. But you’re not the hot stuff you used to be, and not as many people want to hang out or want a piece of your not so luscious bod. Living in the past much?

5. You Stay Until Closing Time
Lonely old drunks tend to get to the bar as early as possible to hang out there as long as the bar will have them and consume as much booze as their liver will allow (by this stage in their life, their liver should be able to tolerate quite a lot). But they’ll stay until the bartender, who probably knows you by name, will have to ask you to leave. As Semi Sonic once sung, “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here”.

6. You Give Younger Patrons Advice About Life
Old people tend to think young people want advice from them, despite never asking for it. The drunks will tell the kids that they shouldn’t let the love of your life get away, don’t cheat on said loved one, don’t fuck around in general, don’t get into fights, get a good job, etc. They sound like your parents, but they’re probably old enough to be your parents, so fair enough. But these drunks are probably trying to tell these youngin’s all this so they can avoid being the sad loser drinking by themselves at age 60, so perhaps their advice isn’t complete rubbish after all.

Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Friday 27 December 2013

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