When we’re in high school, we can’t wait for the day we turn 18 so we can finally leave that hellhole and go clubbing every weekend. But after a decade of hard partying and drinking, there’s one particular party that will really grab your party veteran attention: your high school reunion. Circle of life stuff right here; you’ve gone back to school!
High school reunions are meant to be this huge party reminiscent of the good old days of high school (*cough* bullshit *cough*) where everyone gets to catch up and listen to hit songs from the years you were in school (the early and mid ’00s for me; eww!). But now that Facebook exists and many use it to write statuses about some very personal shit, everyone more or less knows what’s going on in each others lives. But you don’t regularly leave them comments on FB anyway, so why bother seeing them? The convo’s just going to get awkward quickly anyway.
But besides catching up with old “friends” (if they were real friends, you would’ve kept in contact with them), the major reason peeps go to high school reunions is to try to pick up someone they had the hots for during their school days. Whether said hottie has maintained their X factor or not is questionable, but there’s that annoying human need for closure and the opening of legs.
There’s this Vietnamese girl I went to school with that I thought was a stunner. I haven’t seen her in years, but I’ve got her on Facebook and I still like what I see. Most hotties you can forget about, but this girl was sex on legs! She wasn’t technically the hottest girl at school, but there was just something about her. Long black hair, naturally tanned skin, and full, luscious lips that actually allows her to pull off the infamous duck face that most girls fuck up. She knows how to dress to flaunt what she’s got too. She’s a prime example of why many white dudes love Asian chicks. Point being, if a high school reunion were to happen, I wouldn’t mind having a crack. (Not that it’ll ever happen of course, she’d definitely say no, and I do have a girlfriend. Oh well, she was a bit of a bitch anyway).
Anyway, back to the topic before this article becomes a masturbation fantasy. Now that Facebook’s around, it’s harder to get around the truth if you feel the need to impress. It’s not like you can just make up some profession you do to impress your former high school crush. Chances are they’ve seen on Facebook that you were actually a clerk at Blockbuster between 2008-10 and then stocked shelves at Coles from 2011 onwards or some dead end jobs like that. If only you thought not to put that in your work history on your profile when you initially made your Facebook. Not knowing how little trivial things like that can affect your future can be a huge bitch.
Of course there’s a huge chunk of your life that wouldn’t be on Facebook, but with constant photos and updates being uploaded, aren’t high school reunions pointless now? The whole point of high school reunions was to find out all the gossip about people who haven’t seen in yonks that you had no way of possibly knowing and intriguing old flames with your life story. Those days are long gone.
On the other hand, Y.O.L.O.! Just go for it! Even if you don’t pick up, it’s better to regret something you did than something you didn’t do.
Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Wednesday 22 May 2013