Being a guy, I shouldn’t be admitting I’ve even heard of the movie Mean Girls, which is one of the quintessential chick flick of the ’00s. But I bring it up because there’s a part where said girls are getting ready for a Halloween party and Lindsay Lohan comments that Halloween is the one time of the year a girl can dress like a total slut and other girls can’t say anything about it (something that Lohan took up 365 days of the year in real life!).
But that quote seems to be true, as many females like to show off plenty of skin while (perhaps barely) dressing up as some crazy character. That is most definitely not a criticism (I am a guy after all, haha!).
1. Naughty Schoolgirl
Making people think of the schoolgirl outfit Britney Spears wore in the ‘Baby One More Time’ music video since 1999, the schoolgirl costume has made men drool at the thought of deflowering these young, seemingly innocent pieces of jail bait intent on being educated, especially in Sex Ed. Though, when you think about it, these nymphets are clearly far from innocent if they are purposely dressing slutty to get male attention. But why have girls in school uniforms made male teachers risk going to jail for? Perhaps the Red Hot Chili Peppers song ‘Catholic School Girls Rule’ may answer that question. (Listen to the lyrics, the song’s hilarious!).
2. Female Cop
A costume that gives men a whole new respect for the law. Well, actually, it will make them more likely to commit crimes just so Officer Babe will be more likely to have to walk up to them, making her curves go back and forth, to apprehend them with her novelty handcuffs and baton. Best of all, she will have to frisk you for any weapons, though if she asks you if you have any such weapons, you’ll say (thinking you’re original and clever), ‘Yeah, in the front of my pants!’ She will probably get mad and use some police brutality on you, but it will be the good kind. The hilarious clip below from the underrated Tom Cruise movie Days Of Thunder is a great example of what men want when they see an officer of the female variety:
The word dominatrix gets a certain reaction out of everyone. Guys all over are both attracted and fearful of these leather clad mistresses who make men wish their female bosses at work were like this. Rihanna thought enough of dominatrices to sing about their plight in her song ‘S&M’. Be careful of girls who do dress up like dominatrices though; some might actually be dominatrices who were too cheap to buy a costume, so they just wore their work uniform, and will perform their work duties even if you don’t actually want them to.
4. Naughty Nurse
These hot young medical professionals are the only good thing about getting sick, and if you get to root one of these hotties, you’ll think you’re fully sick! Hoping they are more than willing to break their Hippocratic Oath, guys will do as everything possible to convince these babes that they need a sponge bath, especially “down there”. Warning: naughty nurses may be reluctant to give head, as they often try to prevent disease from spreading. Yet again, if they thought like that all the time, they wouldn’t have sex with all their male patients and they would be just… well… professional nurses.
Watch the below clip also from Days Of Thunder that follows up on the funny scene with the hooker in police uniform. Tom Cruise thinks Nicole Kidman’s nurse is another hooker set up for him by Robert Duvall, but finds out not even having a Medicare card will help him get the treatment his penis needs.
5. French Maid
The creme de le creme of sexy costumes, it is hard to determine whether the French Maid has aroused men ever since the Joan of Arc tried to claim independence for her frog leg eating country or ever since the custodial arts were invented. There is nothing like watching these cleaners bend over to get that pesky stain out of the carpet that you purposely put there to make these young ladies bend over to do their handy work. You hope they will polish off your knob (your door knob that is!) before they do a bit of Frenching with you and do something that gives a whole new meaning to suck le bleu.
Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Wednesday 30 October 2013