Wanting to pick up at a nightclub is not only expected, but encouraged, if you go out clubbing. It’s the natural order of things. However, knowing what to do to impress a hottie doesn’t come naturally to some people. If you’re unsure on how to go about chatting up the opposite sex, it certainly doesn’t hurt to get a second opinion.However, there are certain types of people in your life whom you definitely should not ask for a variety of reasons. So if you want to “party” with someone, don’t talk to any of the below people.
This may seem harsh, but nerds and virgins probably haven’t had a lot of (if any) experience with the opposite sex, so their advice could only take you so far. Although nerdy types certainly do have sex, it depends on what type of person you want to hook up with. Perhaps you need to talk to someone who’s had a few boyfriends or girlfriends.
2. Uptight People
This category may seem a bit broad, but you’ll know this lot when you see them. They are humourless, angry and rude, perhaps because they themselves are not getting laid. Maybe they’re old fashioned or come from a traditional culture or come from a strict family, so their views on sex, or even just simply kissing, are probably negative. They might laugh at your for asking for advice on picking up or think it’s offensive, but fuck them. Don’t waste your time.
If you’re religious, you may feel comfortable taking advice from a religious figure at your local church. While they may offer good advice generally, the fact is, depending on which denomination they belong to, they’re virgins and have very negative views on pre-martial sex. They would think you’d be sinning for even just contemplating going to a nightclub, a place they consider to be full of sin, let alone want to have relations with a stranger, out of wedlock. It’s weird to think that some priests actually take a vow of celibacy by choice! (How do they do it?!)
This conversation will be beyond awkward and you don’t want your parents to know you’re going out with the intention of getting laid. They would definitely emphasise that you would use a condom though. They may also give you old fashioned advice on how to talk to the opposite sex that just doesn’t work in this day and age. Think of the scene in American Pie where Jim is getting “the talk” from his dad who is using his son’s porno magazines to shows him different parts of the female body. You also don’t want to talk about how they hooked up with your other parent (too much information!).
It’s up for debate whether talking about your sex life to your grandparents is worse than talking to your parents about it (I think your parents is worse though). Although they’ve had plenty of life experience and may have had quite a few sexual partners before meeting your other grandparent, I doubt they want to hear about the hanky panky you want to get up to. They are also two generations of sexual liberty behind you, where it was common for the couple to sleep in separate beds, even after they got married.
6. Your Boss/Coworkers
Although you might have a cool boss and work in a team full of top people, there is a time and place for everything, and sex talk is usually best left out of the workplace. Of course there are exceptions; I’ve worked in places where my colleagues and I have talked about things that will always get a big reaction out of people, but I’ve also worked in places where you wouldn’t dare even say the word “sex” or you’d get sent to HR for it. Be very careful with this one.
Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Tuesday 5 January 2016