Nightclub fights suck. They’re not cool, and you could get into a world of hurt. Sometimes you’ll get off on the wrong foot with a random at the club, and a fight may happen. Back in 2007, I was at a goth/metal club in Melbourne, whose name I won’t mention out of respect (and no one wants to get sued for defamation). The place doesn’t exist anymore anyway, but still.
I went there with my cousin and another cousin’s boyfriend. That boyfriend was talking to this blonde chick, and yeah, it looked suss. Then imagine afterwards that blonde’s big tall and fat goth boyfriend, who was dressed completely in black and had a mean look on him, approach you. This guy was like a fucking WWE wrestling, real intimidating! The goth glassed the boyfriend with his beer glass and then repeatedly kicked him in the head. I saw all this happen from the couch I was sitting at nearby, and I was in complete shock at first. Fortunately, the bouncers were quick to act and dragged that psycho away. It was a shame, I was enjoying myself up until that point.
Being that I wasn’t out of my head and inside the building, I had to somehow take control of what was going on. Here are some tips of you if you ever find yourself in this situation.
1. Help Your Mate
This probably goes without saying, but if need be, don’t just stand there, help your mate out! No sane person wants to fight, but sometimes you have to defend yourself and your friends. You would hope your mates would come to your aide if you were the one being bashed, so help them out too. I was fortunate that the bouncers broke up the fight straight away, but be prepared to take action if the shit hits the fan.
2. Talk To The Bouncers
I know no one likes dealing with bouncers, and normally for good reason, but you’ll have to in this case. When the boyfriend got bashed, the bouncers grabbed him to take him to the bathroom to wash off the blood. I approached them and I told them that I was with him, so they let me come along. Situations like this will make you realise why bouncers have to be tight arses.
2. Get Your Group Together
My cousin was outside having a smoke, so I had to go and just get him. On the funnier side of things, I found him outside having a smoke and I told him, “Come inside, [the boyfriend’s] been bashed!” My cousin goes, “You’re joking”, and I went, “Do I sound like I’m joking?!” What made this funny is that there were people lined up outside who would have heard all this and may very well have decided to go elsewhere. I wasn’t trying to kill the club’s business, but oh well.
3. Tell The Others What’s Happened
The boyfriend had a concussion, he had no idea where he was or what was going on. He was fucked! We went to call the boyfriend’s girlfriend to let her know what happened, because it’s the right thing to do, and they can help you out when you get to them. Unfortunately for us, the boyfriend had left his phone at the motel he was staying at (he lived in Sydney at the time). My cousin’s mobile had the number, but his mobile’s battery had bloody died! My mobile was fine, but I didn’t have her number! Argh! Fortunately, despite being out of it, the boyfriend knew her mobile number by heart and typed it in. (It’s amazing how the human mind works, isn’t it?).
4. Get The Club’s Staff To Call An Ambulance
If you’ve been bashed, then you obviously need medical attention. The boyfriend only needed stitches (he ended up getting butterfly stitches put in at the motel he stayed at). The bouncer called for an ambulance that would have taken us to St Vincent’s Hospital, but they never bloody came! I suppose ambos have to deal with all sorts of emergencies in the city on weekend nights, but still.
5. Get A Taxi
If the ambos never show up like they didn’t for us, then you’ll have to get a taxi. Getting a taxi is a pain in the arse already, and it’s way worse when this sort of shit happens. My cousin and the boyfriend went on one side of the road to hail a taxi and I was on the other side. I can’t remember whether it was them or me that got a taxi to stop. but the driver took them back to the motel and me home. After the other two left, the driver asked me for all the goss on what happened.
Shit happens folks. So if you see someone you know getting their head kicked in, sometimes you got to do what you got to do.
Originally published here at barsandnightclubs.com.au on Tuesday 24 November 2015